sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
