when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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