She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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