Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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