There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
