Acid is not a monday night drug
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just found a bag of teeth...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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