chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
