woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
