You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize