I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I stole a fireplace last night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
