I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just found puke in my bra..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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