I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
