Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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