I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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