you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
