weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
