I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
