I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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