I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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