I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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