I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
