u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
