Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
