Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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