you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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