Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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