we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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