me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
