There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
