Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
