he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
