i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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