so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
