So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
