I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
