The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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