uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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