she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
