my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
