Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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