Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
love makes seman taste better
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
