I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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