I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
