she looked like the bat from fern gully.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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