why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
