Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
