i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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