Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
