we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Drake has all the answers
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
