The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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