Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
