Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
