I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
