She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
