I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
