Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
