It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
