My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
