it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
