the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
