Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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