That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
