singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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