you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
