she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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