We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
