Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize