I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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