wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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